We’ve all seen a movie with your stereotypical nice guy, and your stereotypical bad boy. The nice guy is crushing hard on the main female character but has only ever been in her vicinity when he’s carrying her books.
The bad boy, on the other hand, treats her poorly. No matter how disrespectful the bad boy is, she can’t get enough of him. As the movie progresses, we get to see the nice guy making leaps and bounds on the bad boy, gaining the attention of the woman.
This progresses all the way until the end of the movie, where they pan away from the nice guy and his newfound love dancing at the senior prom, where the happily ever ending comes into focus.
But as we know, sometimes the movies do a pretty terrible job of portraying real life; so is this any exception? Absolutely not!
We should not follow the nice guy from any pre-teen movies if we want to do well with women, and there are many reasons why.
What is a Nice Guy?
Your stereotypical “nice guy” is just as he sounds; always attempting to win over the opposite sex by being “nice”. Whether she needs someone to carry her books or someone to copy her homework off of, he’ll help.
However, when it comes down to picking someone to go out with, a Nice Guy will typically become discouraged and/or angry when the girl chooses someone else; “I did X, Y, Z for her and she is going to go out with that guy!?”
Nice guys have a mindset of scarcity, which means that they have the belief that there are not very many suitable girls on this planet for them, so they need to do whatever they can to “secure” one.
A nice guy shouldn’t be confused with a guy who is nice, because nice guys’ defining traits are not that they are nice people, but that they are typically very weak-minded.
A nice guy will offer to help a girl with a wide assortment of tasks she needs completed, but if not for the possibility of courtship and/or sex, he would likely not do it for her. This is a defining difference between a nice guy and a guy who is nice. Because of this completely inverse outlook on doing nice things, they can often have an extremely poor outlook on life.
When a nice guy is at the hands and feet of a girl, the only way he can be viewed by that girl is weak. If he will do whatever she asks him to do, she won’t have to worry that he is going to run away from her or that if she ever wants him in the future she can’t have him.
Women, like most human beings, want what they can’t have. If a nice guy is begging a girl for a chance, through their actions or even literally, they know that the nice guy will likely always be an option. This is why most woman are not attracted to nice guys.
This is why nice guys get friend zoned often; the girl knows that she can continue going through her options and that the nice guy will always be a dating option. He’s infatuated with her, so he likely has little to no other options.
On the other hand, a guy that comes across to a girl that they don’t really like them will appear more “in demand”. This is one of the factors that “nice guys vs bad boys” are boiled down to.
Another defining trait of a nice guy is that they are extremely predictable. It plays into what we talked about earlier; if a girl needs an errand ran then she will expect that the nice guy will do it… and he will. Predictability.
This also ties into more mundane everyday situations. Take for example the good morning texts a nice guy may send to a girl that they like. If he sends her a text saying “good morning beautiful!” every morning, then imagine if he didn’t send that text to her a few mornings a week.
When he sends her this text every morning, she can easily predict the next ones coming, and she is right! Not sending them once in a while will really have them wondering. Is he with another girl? Does he not like me anymore? Why didn’t he text me this morning? If nothing else, it will start to get the nice guy in their mind.
Should I Be a Nice Guy?
If you haven’t guessed already, NO! Generally speaking, women trample nice guys. Be kind to everybody you meet and come in contact with, absolutely! Doing nice things for people is great, but you must always keep in mind the motivation behind doing these nice things.
Make sure that you are never doing “good deeds” with the expectation of any female attention, or else you are falling into the dangerous trap of being a nice guy.
If you’re reading this and questioning whether you’re a nice guy, it comes down to your mentality with women. Do you think that women like you? Do you do (or worse yet, buy) things for girls with, even subconsciously, an expectation or hope that they will recognize how “incredible you are”?
If you answered yes to any of these, I hate to say it, but you probably are. Whatever you do, you should stop being a nice guy! For your own dignity, do everything you can to learn about becoming a high-status man (don’t worry, we will go over this in a few paragraphs). Read this page twice over, take notes, read some of our other posts, whatever it takes.
So, What is a Bad Boy?
Typically in pop culture, bad boys are the guys that are tough. It is more of a stereotype used in movies with a love interest present; the good guy must fight the bad boy for the girl.
In everyday life, much more common than a bad boy is just a high-status guy. The good news is that you don’t need to go to jail or become a rapper to be a high-status guy.
A high-status man is just the opposite of a nice guy; most women view a high-status man as nearly unattainable. The key there is “nearly”, he will likely go out with someone, but their likelihood is far worse than with the nice guy.
What’s important is that a high-status man is living his life (at least partially) focused on growing himself and he takes full ownership of his life and circumstances.
Rather than using the terms “nice guy vs bad boy”, I prefer “high-status vs low-status”. But, remember that this distinction does not just mean that whoever is the richer guy will win… Wealth will absolutely play a factor in attraction, but it is not the deciding factor.
Because nothing in life happens to a high-status man, but because of him, he is in full control. If you think about this, it is really a liberating statement! Think about all of the really dark times in your life which were caused by worldly things. You have the power to either stop these entirely, or reduce their affects greatly. Oh happy day!
How to Truly Flip the Switch in Your Life
If you are a nice guy, there are likely lifestyle changes that are needed, aside from the dating aspect of life. The vast majority of nice guys deal with low self-respect and have a less than ideal self-image.
So, the easiest way to deal with this issue has nothing directly to do with the girl. It is by dealing with ourselves. Get into self improvement, go to the gym, learn a new skill, clean your room, start as small as you need.
What’s important is that you begin to recognize and value yourself as an incredible human being. The base of everything is that if you don’t recognize yourself as an amazing person, how is any girl supposed to?
Even when you’re dating a girl, these principles still apply. Do nice things for your girlfriend, and give her compliments, but never framing it in a way that is self-deprecating.
Here’s what I mean; if you say anything like “how did I get such a girl!”, whether it’s to her, social media, her friends, literally anyone, you’re implying that she is out of your league. If you were truly keeping in your mind that you are an incredible guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you, then why would that come out of your mouth?
And it only gets worse from there, comments like “I don’t deserve you”, are more common than they should be from guys’ mouths these days. If you ever find yourself saying this, you truly need to reevaluate your life and your relationship.
This may seem backwards—you just exclaimed that you don’t even know if you deserve this woman, and yet I’m saying that you should reevaluate your relationship.
What first needs to happen is a reflection on your life. What is the source of these weak thoughts? Do you truly feel that you don’t deserve this woman? If so, why do you feel this way?
The point is this—you, no matter who you are dating, are worthy of anybody you may or may not be dating. The goal is to get to a point where there is no one that you would want to trade lives with, not even LeBron James.
This may seem like an impossible feat when you consider the countless celebrity figures that seem to live perfect lives, but I promise that you can get there.
Start with a gratitude journal, write down 3 things a day that you are grateful for. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. When we express gratitude for things that we are grateful for, we open up our lives for more things to be grateful (and happy) for.
This is the first step to moving from a nice guy to a high-status man. It is truly a matter of recognizing the incredible life you live and how lucky any woman would be to be apart of it.
In some cases, to become a high-status man you may need to take more serious actions. It all dwells down to stepping out of your comfort zone to learn and grow. If you’ve lived your whole life in a single town/city, and are feeling a little bit stuck, move somewhere else, or take a hiatus and go travelling to somewhere foreign.
These experiences and similar experiences will cause immense growth and better grounding in your life.
Am I High Status or Low Status?
You must keep in mind that you are not necessarily high status or low status because that would mean that it is a universal distinction. Rather, it is a sliding scale of high status vs low status—or nice guy vs bad boy, whichever you prefer.
All that you can do is work on becoming more of a high-status man every single day. It is not a journey where at a certain point you have achieved the “high status man” level.
One way that you will be able to tell how “high status” you are is by the level of female attention you have. As you become a higher status, more girls will want to go out with you. However, if you don’t see it picking up for yourself, don’t let it get you down. Part of the “high status man” identity is not letting things like this get to you.
From Nice Guy to Bad Boy
Going from a nice guy to a bad boy is going to be a life-long journey of becoming a high-status man. In order to make this transition, you may need to focus more on yourself than everybody around you. Always be kind and thoughtful, but don’t put everybody else before yourself. No one can change your life the way that you can.