Are you being needy or neglected? This can be a very fine line, and navigating it by yourself can be difficult. We’re here to help!
Just about every human on the planet will struggle with at some point, is being needy.
It is in our human nature to be needy As much as it sucks, this is just how it is.
Although just about all of us will struggle with neediness and clinginess, there are definitely ways that we can negate this neediness from our lives.
If you’ve wondered how to stop being needy and clingy, today is your day.
We’re going through the ultimate guide to lessen neediness and clinginess in your life.
The Important of Correctly Diagnosing the Situation
It’s important to figure out for sure whether you are being needy, or just neglected.
If you don’t know you’re certain that you’re being needy, and you try to apply some of the techniques in this article, it may be for nothing.
Imagine if your car stopped working, and you were absolutely convinced that it’s because your brakes are bad.
Then you take it to an auto repair shop and have the brakes fixed.
Well, as you’re driving the car home you notice that the same problem is still there.
You then find out, after bring you back to the auto repair shop, that really you needed to replace your timing belt.
If you’re not really being clingy in your relationship, and you try to stop being clingy, it can do more harm than good.
In the next few paragraphs, you’ll be able to figure out if you are being too needy, whether it’s with your partner, friends, or anyone else.
3 “Tests” For Determining Neediness
Look Through Past Texts
The first thing that you should do is pull up your messages with this person.
This will work best if you use texting as a means of communication, where the messages are saved.
Spend a few seconds and scroll very fast through your messages.
If you see a lot of messages from your side, with not a lot of messages from the other person side, that’s an indication that you might be clingy.
Without diving further into the content of those texts, it’s tough to say for sure that you are being clingy, so don’t be worried yet.
If you find yourself constantly texting them asking questions like “ where are you?”, “ Why aren’t you texting me back?”, And other similar questions, this is related to clean Behavior.
You also must consider the context of these questions, if you have a good reason to ask them, such as if you’re dating the person you were hoping to do something with them, and you were wondering where they were.
But, if you’re asking questions like “why aren’t you texting me back?” when you have barely given a chance to respond, this comes off as clingy.
Think Back to Your Last Few Disagreements
Now, I want you to think back to the last few times that you guys disagreed.
Try to remember what the cause of these disagreements was.
If, after having a chance to cool down, you think back and realize that you were upset for not a good reason, this could be an indication of clingy behavior.
A few examples of situations that clingy people can often get upset about, are;
When your partner, or person in question, doesn’t hang out with you at every single opportunity,
If you try to censor who another person can or cannot hang out with, or even how another person can interact with others, whether in public or on social media.
If you find yourself often getting upset for any of these reasons, there’s a good chance that you’re a clingy person, or at least have clingy tendencies.
But just to be sure, there’s one more way that you should double-check to see if you are a clingy person.
Seek External Opinions
Sometimes we’re not fair with ourselves, both in a generous way and where we don’t give ourselves enough credit.
That’s why whenever we are trying to reflect on ourselves, and our own behavior, we can sometimes not see the clear picture.
Because of this issue, the last thing that we’re going to do is see what other people say about whether or not we are clingy.
So, text or call anybody that you think would have a good idea of whether or not you are clingy and just ask them. Make sure that you ask for the complete truth from these people, and tell them that you’re not going to be upset no matter what the answer is.
If, after putting yourself through these tests, you determine that you are a needy or clingy person, or at least house needy and clingy Tendencies, then keep reading.
If, however, you come to realize that you aren’t being clingy or needy and that you’re really just being mistreated, that’s another story. Then I recommend going to deal with the mistreatment, of course!
“I Passed All of the Tests!”
If you put yourself through all of these tests, and you still feel as though you’re not being needy, then you could just be being neglected.
This is why it is very important to be honest with yourself, for the first two tests, you can just view them from your own (likely biased!) point of view, and come to the conclusion that you’re not being needy. Don’t let yourself do that!
Make sure that when you’re not looking over your situation when you’re extremely emotional, because you won’t be able to objectively think.
And even if you talked to someone else, there are a whole myriad of reasons why they may not tell the truth, or they could just be plain wrong.
If all of the tests resulted in you thinking that you’re being needy, or that you’re being neglected, then it’s likely that this is true.
But, these tests won’t be 100% accurate either, they only act as guidelines.
Signs of Neglect in a Relationship
These are some of the top signs to watch out for that can distinguish neglect from your potential neediness.
It is important to remember that these signs in a “relationship” has a large umbrella, and is not confined to a romantic relationship, but these can be displayed in friendships, professional relationships, or familial relationships.
Running Late/Forgetting Important Events
Forgetting important events in yours, and their lives is a sign of neglect.
One key is that it is a habitual event. If they accidentally ran late for one of your dates/meetings, this is not yet a sign of neglect.
But, if they are constantly late and or forget about plans that you guys have made, this is a strong sign of emotional neglect.
It potentially shows that they are not as invested in the relationship as you are.
Even though this habit can just be something that has been instilled in this person, that’s no excuse.
If the plans that you guys make are important to them, they will be on time to them, and they will definitely show up for them.
There are several ways that poor communication can be a sign of neglect in a relationship.
Regardless of if you are in the midst of good or bad times, communication is important.
If the other party is not willing to talk through things, this may show that they are not as invested in this relationship as you are.
Even while you are fighting, if the other party is wanting to just stop talking before you have solved the issue, this could be a sign of neglect.
It may seem like a good thing, that the other party doesn’t want to fight, but in the event of healthy fighting, it is important to go through it and not just shut down.
So, ask yourself whether or not the other party in your relationship is willing to talk through things.
Most often, if you’re able to talk through things, things are better off than before you began fighting.
So, an unwillingness to “discuss” things, can often be a sign of emotional neglect.
Again, just because your partner doesn’t want to talk does not necessarily mean they are 100% neglecting you in the relationship, but it may be a contributing factor.
Never Being the Initiator
A clear sign of neglect is when the other party of your relationship does not initiate anything with you, whether it be a date, hangout, anything intimate.
We touched on your text messages earlier, and this is where it gets a little bit dicey.
If you are texting first >80% of the time, then we said that may be a sign of neediness.
However, this can also be a sign of neglect.
If the reason why you are always texting them, is because that’s the only way that you’ll actually be talking, then that doesn’t make you a needy person, it just means that they may be neglecting you.
So, you need to see whether or not they would actually converse with you if you don’t text them first.
If you’re constantly asking them to hangout, and they never ask you, then they are neglecting you.
I get it, sometimes people are busy. If they can make the time to hangout with you, when you ask them, then they could ask you to hangout once in a while instead of waiting for you to ask them.
The Root of Neediness
It will be important for you to get to the root of the issue. Why are you being needy?
Although most people would think that there are countless reasons why people could be needy, there’s actually only one. Well, any other reason could boil down into one.
The reason why you’re being needy is due to the fact that you’re not having a need met. That is how we get the word needy, when a need is not being met, we act “needy” because we want to fill that need.
What that need is, could be a wide range of needs.
You may want this person in question to spend more time with you, be a better listener, or any other relationship issues people have.
Although the simple fix would appear to be to get your need filled, it is actually much deeper than that.
When you’re acting needy, it is both an external and internal issue.
The external factor is that someone in your life is not giving you what you need.
But, the internal factor is that your brain is telling you that you’re not receiving everything that you need. Whether or not that’s true, is not really the issue.
Let me explain, no matter who your relationship is with, it’s not going to be perfect. They will make you feel that you have missing needs in your life, and likely more often than you’d like.
But, the way to get these needs met, is not by being needy.
Being needy is just our innate human reaction. The only way that we can get these issues fixed is to talk to this person.
Is it Possible To Be Needy OR Neglected?
What do I mean by this?
If you’re feeling neglected, you’ll probably act needy just because your eel neglected.
On the flip side, acting needy can often make the other person in the relationship neglect you. I know that sounds backwards, but when people act needy with us, our innate reaction can often be to be neglectful.
In most cases, neediness and neglect will exist together.
What your job is, is to determine how much of this neglect is because of your neediness, or figure out if your neediness is due to their neglect.
Neglect and neediness is a sliding scale. Picture a scale of “neglect vs neediness” sitting at 50-50, and you can slide it one way or the other.
If you slide to neglect, then 25% of the dynamic you created is due to your neediness, and 75% to their neglect.
But, if you slide to neediness, then 75% of the dynamic you find yourself in is due to your neediness, and 25% to their neglect.
The best thing to do is admit to them that you’ve been acting needy, and that you will work on it. But also telling them how you feel about their neglect towards you.
If you find that it’s mainly due to their neglect, then you should focus the conversation on just that, their neglect.
However, it may also be a good idea to establish that you may be acting in a state of neediness in response to this neglect, and that you’re working on that.