Tags » ‘personal development’July 26th, 2010 by selfimprovementmommaDo you ever feel anxious or tense? Are you tortured by worry? Do you suffer from your nerves? Do you get easily flustered? Are you ever stressed? If you believe yourself to be suffering from any of these afflictions, then you’ve let your mind play tricks on you. The inner you cannot be nervous, anxious, stressed or fearful. The real you is simply not capable of suffering from stress or worry. All these afflications are symptoms of your personality – when you feel that you’re suffering from them, it’s only your personality trying to trip you up. What you must realize is that your personality – from the Latin persona, which means mask – is just a mask that not only hides the real you from everybody else, it has you completely fooled into thinking that it is, in fact, who you are. However, psychology explains that your personality is an accumulation of photographs of people and events that made an impression on you during your childhood – what we normally call our formative years. You took snapshots of these things because they were big enough to make you feel good or bad about yourself at the time. Unfortunately, psychology also tells us that the normal person is much more disposed to focus on the negative rather than the positive photographs. And your subconscious mind is even still obsessed with those photographs and this obsession is what creates your personality. Basically, your personality is not real – it may well have got you to where you are and you may be very fond of it – but be careful you don’t fall in love with an illusion. To rid your daily life of the symptoms from which only your imaginary personality can suffer – stress, worry, anxiety, doubt, fear, frustration – you need to move beyond that personality, your perceived weaknesses and strengths. You’ve to go searching within for the inner you because not only does it not comprehend stress, worry, doubt, not only is the real you fearless, the real you is able to achieve effortless success and happiness. The great thing is that you don’t need to look to hard to find the real you – it is waiting to be found. You’ll uncover the real you in the peace of a reflective moment, in the experience of one of those perfect “natural high” moments that we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives – where peace and contentment reign. However, you don’t want or need to wait for the next peak moment to get over the illusions of stress and worry. You can do that right now by practicing a little meditation. When you meditate you start to experience that stress, worry and fear are simply destructive thoughts and that a clear and focused mind (the real you) simply has not time for that kind of nonsense – it has far more pressing things to do. July 25th, 2010 by selfimprovementmommaRight now, you’re living new day – one that has never happened before, a day that will never be repeated. And now is a new moment. And, in each and every new moment, you have a choice. And on this choice depends your personal development. You have a choice in regard to the thoughts that you are paying attention to just at this moment in time. Are they random thoughts? Could they be negative thoughts? Are they relevant to what you’re doing at the moment? Maybe they’re positive thoughts (better than negative thoughts but thoughts nevertheless). The thoughts you’re entertaining are distracting you from doing. Stop wasting your energy, discard your thoughts, but leave room for the flights of fancy to rise to the top – because they’re not thoughts, but inspiration and inspiration only visits the clear minded. In this new moment, it’s your choice as to your behaviour and actions (more commonly reactions) too. And, depending on your choice, you can effortlessly change your life. How much energy have you literally thrown away already today? How much time have you frittered away sitting in front of your laptop, staring blankly? How much of your vital energy have you spent gossiping about and revelling in the misfortune or misdeeds of others? You’ve probably misspent some precious time shuffling you’re “To Do” list until there’s no time left to do! Or how much of your energy have you devoted to doing things you simply shouldn’t be doing – like surfing the net for things that have nothing to do with anything important, reading emails that were copied to you so someone else’s ass would be covered, wading through the sordid details of domestic violence that fill our daily newspapers? Every moment that you waste is a unique now you will never live again. And what we achieve in life is the sum total of how we spend our individual moments. At least, in reflecting on some of those questions you might begin to realize just how much of your energy is spent on things that will get you nowhere on your life’s journey. But these are energy-wasters that you’re aware off – there’s something even worse going on. How much energy are you wasting that you’re not aware of? Because, unless your subconscious mind is engrossed in meaningful activity in the present moment, it is still happily living in your childhood years, thinking that those childhood experiences are actually happening now – and you’ve no idea whatsoever that that’s what’s actually happening. And this is the waste of energy that separates us all from the possibilities of the now, from the reality of the now, from the abundance of the now. So, ask yourself this question. Would you like to change your life? Then ask yourself if what you are doing now, in the context of what you truly want out of life, is the very best investment of your energy. If it isn’t, don’t do it. July 23rd, 2010 by selfimprovementmommaThe behaviour of normal people is rarely appropriate. How could it be! Because normal behaviour is generated automatically – you don’t have to give it any thought, you just react – by your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is highly efficient at enabling you react – it is this ability that has got us so far as the ‘superior’ species. But, as I said, normal behaviour is rarely appropriate – because that same subconscious mind is permanently focused in the past – your formative years – and it uses this out-of-date ‘stored knowledge’ to dictate today’s automatic behaviour. With information that is so far out of date being used to enable you react, how could today’s behaviour be appropriate to what is actually happening now? How could it be right and proper when you consider that the normal person is permanently on automatic pilot? Unfortunately, it’s just the way we’re built. If you’re having a good day, your behaviour may be mildly effective – that’s in comparison to how effective you could really and truly be had you taken the trouble to pay attention and act, rather than react. But even then, normal people only have good days now and again. It’s the normal not-too-bad days that have consigned your life to that repetitive, mundane, not-so-bad life – you know, the one where good stuff almost never happens, the one where you don’t like your job or the one where your relationship has gone flat – the ordinary stuff of everyday life. And on those normal not-too-bad days, your behaviour can be anything from basically in-effective through inappropriate to completely outrageous. People losing their cool with the morning rush hour, people bullying their subordinates at work or playing with their workers’ lives. Husbands who beat wives, wives who beat husbands – or just the everyday not-so-bad apathy of ‘I wish I was somewhere else’ and all the stress that comes with that feeling. Our problem is that we confuse our behaviour with ourselves – a fatal mistake that leads us into recrimination, guilt, frustration, anxiety and even more inappropriate behaviour. You are not your behaviour. How could you be? Your behaviour is dictated by your personality – all the crap of ‘stored knowledge’ in your subconscious mind. Your personality has certainly little or nothing to do with you – there’s a wealth of psychological evidence amassed over the last seventy years to prove this conclusively. So here’s the deal. You can only take really appropriate action (rather than normal reaction) by consciously side-stepping your ego or personality – this is the essence of personal development (as distinct from personality development). However, you cannot do that until you come to terms with the absolute fact that every single inappropriate action comes from your illusionary personality. What’s done is done – if damage was done, go and sort the damage out. But if the only damage was to your own self-image, then, get forget it, it’s past, you need to get on with your life – starting right now. July 23rd, 2010 by selfimprovementmommaMuch has been written and said concerning the so-called ‘Law of Attraction’. It has become popular through DVDs and bestselling books, like ‘The Secret’ and by television talk-show hosts such as Larry King. And yet most do not comprehend what the aforementioned ‘attraction’ actually means. Could it be that you can attract into your life the kind of good things that you crave? And, if that’s what it means, how can you actually put the ‘Law of Attraction’ into action to change your life for the better? The first thing to understand is that the ‘Law of Attraction’ is at work in your everyday life as you read these words. This may be a big surprise for you but what you need to understand is that the life you lead is a perfect mirror image of what’s happening in your head. Unfortunately, much of what’s rattling around in the normal person’s mind is doing them damage rather than good because, left on its own, the subconscious mind is both negative and focused in the past, constantly ‘enabling’ you – and that’s obviously not the correct word – to keep repeating all the learned ways of behaving that are, right now, creating your reality. To put it bluntly, as a result of the normal mind’s inner turmoil, it follows that the normal life is also in turmoil. It doesn’t matter if you know[spin] [spin]this or not, the ‘Law of Attraction’ is a reality in your life. I’m not convinced, from reading some of the reams of stuff – often misleading stuff – on the subject, that many will have fully grasped the extraordinary importance of this situation. But say that you have. You already understand that, to quote ‘The Secret’, your thoughts become things – what occupies your mind manifests in your life. Great, you’ve grasped this all-important concept intellectually – but intellectually understanding these facts and being able to get this ‘manifestation’ working for you, rather than against you, is a whole new ballgame. If you don’t deliberately take action each day to make certain that you’re in the right mental state, then it’s of no consequence how much you understand the way life works, you’re simply conning yourself into the wonderfully cosy misconception that this ‘Law of Attraction’ can change your life in a positive way. To really practice the so-called “Law of Attraction” you’re going to have to clear your mind. There’s no point trying to fill your mind with thoughts of things that you want – no one knows for sure what they truly want. Better still to fill your mind with the only place and time we are – the here and now. If you do that, you will drag your subconscious away from its obsession with all that’s negative. You will become extraordinarily focused – effective, efficient, inspired and inspirational. In a clear state of mind you will attract the very best in life, enabling you rise to places that normal people couldn’t even dream of. July 19th, 2010 by selfimprovementmomma I’m not sure exactly how many personal development or popular self help books sold over the last year – but I do know that it is the fastest area of growth in the publishing world with millions of books being bought every year. In addition, I know that, if you turn on your TV, look at your newspaper or go browsing the web’s discussion groups and forums, these self help books aren’t making a blind bit of difference. Many recent surveys testify to people being more fearful, stressed and worried than at any other time in modern history – even a world war didn’t give rise to such abject fear as we are witnessing in a millennium where we all fell for the notion that humankind was finally rising to a new plane. Indeed, the wartime spirit that galvanized nations into powerful forces during the second world war, is conspicuous by its absence from a world where obsession with money – and constantly wanting more of it – is the order of the day and it’s every man for himself. What the hell has happened – and I use the world ‘hell’ advisedly because it seems to me that everyday life for many is much nearer to hell than heaven. Books like ‘The Secret’ or ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ point towards a brighter, better life if you use your mind in the right direction. On the other hand, Barbara Ehrenreich in her book, ‘Smile or Die’, claims that positive thinking has destroyed the US and ruined the world. Having worked in the self improvement field since 1996 – having started out before it was fashionable to confide in your friends or colleagues that you were ‘into it’ – I firmly believe that people who read these books are not only fooling themselves but are a danger to themselves and those around them. They read a little, experience the ‘feel-good’ after-glow, perhaps put a bit of what they’ve read into practice for a short while and then convince themselves that things are either better or, even more dangerous, about to get better – this is a general excuse for taking no action while the wheels come off your life. Reading books doesn’t change your life. Action changes your life – real action every day – action that you’ve got to take yourself. And I’ve seen precious little evidence of action. Sure, I see lots of reaction – but everybody reacts, we’re experts at is and it makes our lives worse instead of better. So, put away your self help books and ask yourself this probing question? What action could you take today that will make your life better? As I don’t know anything about your life, I’ve no idea whether something major needs to be done or, maybe it’s just something small. But I do know this – I am regularly questioning myself, challenging myself making certain that I keep taking the little and large actions that need to be done to push – yes, you’ve got to push yourself – my life in the right direction. And I’ve the results to show for it. July 16th, 2010 by selfimprovementmommaRead lots of self help books? Because I know plenty of people who are constantly reading, forever learning, endlessly searching, Unfortunately, however, it is not reading that changes your life, but doing. Continually reading self help books is just like collecting loads of holiday brochures and travel guides about some beautiful place that you’ve no intention of visiting! You’ve seen photographs, read all the reviews, imagined yourself relaxing on that beautiful white sandy beach, immersed yourself in the idea of having arrived. But, then, you’ll never pluck up the courage to buy the ticket. What’s my point? Reading about how to achieve the life that you really want and doing something about it are two entirely different things. Reading the feel-good stories about how others have changed their minds and, as a consequence, changed their lives, will give you that longing feeling inside. But tomorrow morning, when you drag yourself out of bed for another day of going through the motions, what has changed? Little or nothing! When wake up to another day of hassle, anxiety, financial shortage or low self-esteem, what good will all that books have done you? If anything, you’ll find yourself even more restless and more dissatisfied than you were at the outset. Reading, understanding and intellectually appreciating what it takes to change your life will make no difference to your life until you put what you’ve learned into regular practice. And here we encounter an obstacle that is simply too big for most normal people – they’re afraid to take what they think of as some risk-laden leap of faith. If you’ve been lucky enough to come across a self improvement book where you’re given step-by-step instructions on how to change your life (and they’re few and far between – most of them are ‘feel-good books’) then it should have dawned on you by now that you don’t need to make any leap of faith. All you need to take is take gentle steps, every day, that shake you out of the self-induced hypnosis in which most normal people are only existing. To change your life, you’ve got to change the way you’re living day to day at present. You start small – by doing something as simple as changing your morning routine – because small changes get your subconscious mind out of its comfort zone. Once out you will start to understand that absolutely everything in your life can be done differently. When this realization dawns upon you, you’re going to find yourself in a completely different place – where things that were otherwise unthinkable suddenly become obvious – and effortlessly doable. In other words, it’s you who has to start doing the things that will change your life, to stop reading and start doing. | |