Sometimes, we seem totally engulfed in feelings of insecurity, self-doubt and maybe even fears of rejection. We often find ourselves wishing we were someone else, that “someone” being perceived as being “better” or more fortunate than we are. The truth is, usually that “someone” has similar doubts or feelings as you!

On seeing a young successful businessman or entrepreneur and envy his success, thinking “he’s got it made”. Except that he may feel he can’t trust his friends, or he’s unhappy because he’s losing his hair and maybe less attractive, or wondering why his old friends don’t talk to him since he became successful.

You may have seen a pretty girl sitting on her own at a party, apparently quite content with her own company. But she might be thinking to herself “why is nobody talking to me?” or she might be sitting on her own because she’s not confident in company, maybe afraid of saying the wrong thing. So you see, appearances can be deceiving, and more often than not, other people have the same, if not worse feelings than you.

It’s strange how these misconceptions of other peoples supposed superiority quite often stop us from improving ourselves… Because, in our minds, these people “have it all” it is easy for us to say “I can’t compete with that” and give up. But would you treat people differently if you knew these people were the same as you, have the same fears and insecurities as you? Everybody suffers from degrees of low self-esteem and self-confidence at some time, it’s human nature and we all feel it, the difference is how each individual deals with it.

You might, for example, be a nail biter, or have bad breath, or suffer from excessive sweating, which you may not consciously be aware of… but others are, and maybe out of politeness won’t mention to you.

I’m sure we all know at least one person that never stops talking, usually about themselves, and I expect, like most people, you do your utmost to avoid being stuck in conversation with them. But you’ll probably find that this person is totally unaware of it, and their “over-indulgence” in themselves, is masking a whole host of insecurities and low self-esteem issues.

One of the major keys to starting your “self improvement” is to LISTEN. If you have a close friend or relative, talk to them openly and explain why you want their opinion of you. Obviously you want CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, not just a list of things your “friend” doesn’t like.

Above all, receive any criticism with dignity and don’t be defensive, just let them finish, remember, you asked them! Be open-minded and think positively, because once you KNOW what others think of you, you can determine which issues you need to work on for the better.

Another thing to remember is that to get the best out of your self-improvement program, you have to learn to love yourself… Focus on your strong points, and you will find it much easier to strengthen the weak ones.

Before you know it, people will be looking at YOU as the person they want to be like, and YOU will become the “go to” guy or girl in your block. But, beware, by all means help those that wish to be helped, but don’t fall into the trap of constantly boring people with “your self-improvement story” or you’ll find yourself having to re-trace your steps. If you can inspire others, they will follow you.

So, first of all, stop thinking of yourself as “second-rate”, and accept yourself for what you are now. Find out what aspects of yourself could be improved, and address them one at a time, and before long you’ll find that you’ve lost that 10 pounds you always hated, and you listen more to people, or you have that new skill or job that you longed for. Whatever issues are bugging you can usually be fixed, if you realize that “self-improvement” starts with the “self”.

Nobody is absolutely perfect, and nor should you aspire to be… You could find yourself disliked just for that… And everyone hates SOMETHING about themselves, or wishes they had what someone else has got. But remember, if you use your self improvement program to be the best that you can possibly be… You will be happier, and better than most.

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How to Accept Yourself, Your Life, and Your Reality

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